crotch queen

I just got waxed by the Crotch Queen. I am so thrilled that I discovered her. Since Beauty Bar went out of business unexpectedly, my friends and I were left scrambling. She was amazing. It didn't hurt much at all. So far it is looking a little red and angry but tomorrow it will be better.

On to the next topic, as much as the intricacies of my thoughts might make for good poetry or prose (or blogging), I am not oblivious enough to be of interest as a character. I think that oblivious people are the ones we crave to watch - like the guy who picks his nose in the middle of the library. How can you not stare and wonder what it is that allows him to be so much himself...

writing is when i was five years old

Just looked up "writing" on the googlism site - came back with some interesting pieces:

writing is good for your health *writers write
writing is good medicine
writing is a social act
writing is done on deadline
writing is for you
writing is murder
writing is easy
writing is different
writing is expected?
writing is used to teach and extend word identification skills
writing is therapy
writing is like house painting
writing is a mothefucker
writing is an art
writing is a sensation
writing is an ideologically constrained set of practices
writing is when i was five years old
writing is rewriting
writing is histrionic
writing is an aid to memory
writing is the breath of life
writing is in their blood
writing is finding moments of truth
writing is not enough
writing is never a waste of time
writing is a mess
writing is just the beginning
writing is a winding road
writing is just part of the process
writing is expressionistic
writing is not the result of obedience to prescriptive rules
writing is to inform the reader of something; the style should further that purpose
writing is on the wall
writing is to demonstrate the result of your research process or inquiry
writing is 'real mccoy'
writing is a craft
writing is the business of proof
writing is life itself
writing is an emotional activity
writing is a matter of degrees
writing is a process
writing is an act of free choice?

lucky

The bag I was holding in my hand twisted and seized in the winter wind, like a sick baby desperate for a comfortable position. My helpless hands were at the mercy of the wind. All of this in a flash, wondering why wind makes me anxious.

Today I am thankful for avoiding serious injury. I was boiling water for pasta when I decided to get the A/C adapter for my notebook from the box on the top cupboard above the stove. I pulled up a stool and reached for the box. There was a smaller box on top of it that I didn't see. As it fell toward me I dropped the big box. It fell onto the handle of the pot and in a split second I jumped away in time to avoid a potful of boiling water. Everything fell in the right place. Either someone was watching over me or I am a lucky girl.

hoof and mouth disease

Maybe this is a sign that I am growing up. Not only did I answer the phone when the lawyer called tonight, but I actually got the nerve up to tell him that I didn't want to go out again. It was really tough, especially when he talked for a half hour before he asked me out again, which was the in I was waiting for. It was hard to say but he seemed fine with it - he took it like a mensch. I didn't feel relieved right away but I am starting to now.

I went out for lunch with my boss and colleagues, which was nice - good food. I didn't hear what my colleagues were talking about at one point until someone mentioned a camera cell phone. I said that camera phones were - and I think the exact word was, "crap", only to then see that my boss was holding out her camera phone to show my colleagues. Nice. I didn't even really bother to attempt a recovery on that one - I figured it would only draw attention.

Finishing up work things, dating things, and shopping. That is what this week is about for me. Let's add trying not to put my foot in my mouth...again.

another day at the market

So on Saturday I went on my second date with the lawyer. He suggested we spend the afternoon walking around a market, which I thought was a great idea. As we walked there, he asked me if I wanted to go up to his office to see the view. I didn't want to but also didn't want to hurt his feelings. I can not understand why anyone would want to go to their office unless they had to. I could even understand it if we had been dating for a little while, but after one coffee...well I don't think it would come as a big shock that I am not feeling it. If I was I would have probably been happy to see his "view". Another one bites the dust. I would really like to meet one that intrigues me, makes me excited. The decision maker was when I compared him to my friend Evan who has professed his feelings for me on a number of occasions, who would be considered a great catch by many. However great it would be if I could, I don't have feelings for him in that way. That being said, I realize that I would choose Evan over the lawyer. Enough said.

On another not, I am getting to the point where I would like to stop smoking altogether. I am smoking less and less and I just think it doesn't become me. It will be easy to do when I am home for the holidays. We will see.

Insubordination

Tonight was mega TV night. I had the girls and the Aussie over to watch all of the shows. To top off the night, Canada is one step closer to instituting gay marriage. I am proud to live in country that is making this move.

When my friends started to arrive this evening, the lawyer called. He asked if this was a bad time to talk and I told him I had friends over. He continued to talk...and talk....and talk. I had to tell him that I was being rude to my guests and then he continued to talk. I have to tell you this just didn't help the situation. I am not looking forward to this second date - at all. I keep thinking that I must be a complete bitch, but I can't help how I feel. It just happens. Dana told me that I just need to get to the point where I can tell him to shut up - that comfort level. The way I see it is that no one should be with someone who wants to tell them to shut up, so early on at least. I am reacting to his personality traits and he deserves to date someone who doesn't have that reaction - especially after only one date. The lawyer was trying to tell me he had a computer program that he thought I would like. He said he could bring home his notebook and that I could connect my computer to his and get this program that I have never heard of. Now I can hear anyone who reads that saying, "but that is so nice". I am not ready to make any connection with him at all. All this connecting of his and mine???? All the while my friends are sitting in my apartment and I am trying to hang up with this guy that I met only ONCE for a COFFEE!!! It is just too much. He gave me his "private" work number, and told me I "wouldn't even have to go through his secretary to get to him - hahaha" - The same secretary he complained of being so insubordinate (in all fairness to the lawyer, he didn't use those words, but that is how it sounded, which is the equivalent to how impressive it is to treat wait staff poorly).

Today I exchanged a few emails with Michael, the old boyfriend. Sadly I enjoy every single word that he writes. In reality I know this is going nowhere, but I guess that is the kind of feeling I am holding out for with someone else. It has happened before so it can happen again.

This weekend I want to do some shopping, I have a party on Saturday night, and I need to finish off my paper. All in all it is a pretty good weekend. I am so happy I did most of my paper and can get out and do other things without that in the back of my mind.

Happy Chanukah

It is the wind that makes the winter so bad - the relentless wind. Even on the coldest day, if there was no wind, it would be ok. It is nail-polish remover in a hangnail. Today I was home from work sick. I have a headache much like the wind, it is relentless. It went away for a bit this afternoon, but now it is back. Hopefully if I go to sleep it will be gone when I wake up. I am not sure why I have it, but I hope it goes away.

I spoke to the lawyer last night and the conversation went from mediocre to not bad. I miss talking to someone when I don't want to hang up. I miss conversations that feel like minutes but last for hours. I want to meet someone that I look forward to seeing and who is worth making time for. The lawyer is a really nice guy, but I don't get that from him - at least not so far. I will go out with him again, but the holidays come at a good time, because if I don't want to see him after that, at least I don't have to deal with it right away. Maybe it will just fade over the 2 weeks.

I should really go to my ballet class tomorrow night. I have no excuses and I know I will be happy I went. It is just so hard to be motivated in this weather. Maybe I will pack my bag before I go to sleep. Right now - gotta go.

night

Another Sunday rolls around and I am getting ready to finish watching a tv movie in bed. I spent the day writing and doing laundry. It feels good to start the week on the right foot although it doesn't make me love Sundays any more. It is cold and dry out, but tomorrow it is supposed to snow. I got a not so great draft of my paper written, so I hope I won't have to spend all of next weekend writing. I would like to go shopping for Chanukah gifts and get ready to go home. I am looking forward to it. It feels like something different, but I am not sure why. As I wrote that sentence, I got a bad feeling about it. I hope nothing bad will happen. I guess it could just as easily be good, right? That is all, the movie is on and I am going to watch it.

'night...

the looker

Isn't it strange that when you least expect it, you have a great time. Well, I wasn't actually referring to the date I had this afternoon, although I have to tell you that my instincts about the lawyer were wrong. He was actually cooler in person than I expected. He was even kind of cute. He may not be my perfect guy, but I would try another date.

In the meantime, on my way home I heard someone calling my name and it was my Aussie friend in the pub at the end of my street. I went in for a few minutes and met his work friends. One of them was very good looking. Later on I was going to the Aussie's and my old roomate's (they are together) for dinner. I went early to hang out while the aussie was still out with his friends. The boys came back to hang out there for some drinks and it turns out the looker was as funny and nice as he was cute. I don't think we are a good match, but I am thrilled that I actually have the capacity to feel like that about a guy. That sounds strange, I am sure, but I have gone on so many dates (most blind) in the last few years, and even with the guys who got past the first 3, there has been a lack of attraction. I forgot that it existed, or perhaps thought that it was one of those feelings you got when you were younger and idealistic. Basically I assumed it was a deficit in me rather than them. Tonight was just enough to let me know that it is still there - still something that I think I need and deserve. i don't need to try to fit into a space, or force myself to get used to someone. There is more out there for me than that.

That was part of the night - I guess the part that set the tone, but the most fun was after they left. I set the ipod up to the stereo and we danced! Yes, danced. All night long. Basically the guys watched except for a few songs they couldn't resist. The Aussie spent a full hour, manually flashing the lights for us. I haven't had that much fun in a long time.

soundtrack

I am waiting for my date to show up so I thought I would say a few words. I am trying to keep an open mind with this, but when it comes to me, my intuition sometimes overriddes all. I won't say anything else about it and I will update later. My exciting news is that I got an ipod mini. I already have over 600 songs on it - I think I am in love. I always had an affinity to the old Ally McBeal theme song notion - in fact was annoyed that they used it in the show because I felt like it was my idea. Now I can have a constant soundtrack to my life. This soundtrack is much more flexible than my 10 song MP3 player alotted me. Very exciting! I want to bring it out on my date, but perhaps that might be construed as borderline anti-social....

Gotta go, my friend is coming over

I am sitting on my balcony smoking, writing, and watching the re-run of the first episode of Friends through my balcony door. It was a good one. Nostalgia always makes me sing that song, "Those were the days my friend, we thought they'd never end"... I don't even know where it is from.

I got an email from an old boyfriend recently, after 8 years. He found me somehow and wrote me one of those, "Is the same Rachel I used to know from..." It was such a shock to see his name in my inbox. I was terrified to open it. Since the initial catching up, we have just written back and forth periodically. He still makes me laugh. I feel like nothing has changed, yet everything has. Part of me misses him still. Isn't that crazy, after this long? I think the problem is that we didn't break up because it wasn't working, it was just that he was going away to school and we were too young to try to work it out to stay together or try to end up in the same place. I am glad it worked out the way it did, but I guess I still have this ideal notion of him.

Meanwhile, I am trying to make an effort to go out, agree to set-ups etc... Looking for a Jewish guy further limits the selection. I am going on a date this weekend with the funny lawyer. I am trying not to pre-judge, but the funny lawyer doesn't seem so funny on the phone. Even more discouraging, in my blind date experience, I find that things are always better on the phone than they are in person. When you factor in the nose hair, the short stature, premature intimacy, or any small but paramount detail I can focus on, there is always something that let's the air out of the baloon. We will see...