like it was ok

I came home from the restaurant and I felt good, so I poured another glass of wine.

"I don't care", I said aloud. "I deserve to feel good, and I'll take something to sleep too, even if I shouldn't." There are so many things I would like to be doing now that I can't, but this is something I can do and I never really did anything I wasn't supposed to, so I feel like I deserve this.

One more drink and then something to eat and then something to sleep. Yeah, that's right, all of those things. If I die in the process, oh well. I can't hold out forever.

Yesterday I told my shrink that my dream would be to come to see him with my baby. That would mean success. It was all for something.

He said it would be nice to have a baby in the office and I know he meant it and that's why I love him.

Funny, I miss the days when Alex talked about drinking wine all of the time, like it was ok.