Monday, November 29, 2004

Little Super

When I got home from work I was sitting on my balcony and having a cigarette when I noticed a pain somewhere in my lungs or my rib. It could have been anything really - even a muscle. It is gone now, but at that moment I had a fear that I had gone too far. I am 30 years old and I keep forgetting I am not so young and invincible anymore. I was wondering if perhaps I had already done irreparable damage. I wonder, if I went to the doctor, came clean about the "casual" smoking, and asked for a complete lung exam, and if I got a clean bill of health, would I then want to quit at that moment? Starting from scratch would be a motivator. Maybe I should try it...

My apartment was broken into a few weeks ago and I have since built up the security level in my apartment. Tonight when I got home I found out that two more apartments in the building were broken into this weekend. That was disconcerting. I guess my biggest fear is that it will happen again, but when I am home. That is terrifying. I once new a girl who lived in this city (several years older than I) who was raped and murdered in her own apartment, one city block from where I now live. That was many years ago, but the horror and reality of that situation has stuck with me. These are the times when I can understand why some American's join those crazy gun associations.

I have the sweetest tiny Philipino super and he has been so nice to me. Tonight he came up to put a chain lock on my door (as an added protection with the 2 deadbolts). He tried to tell me that I wasn't allowed to pay him for it like I did when he came up to do some other work for me, and that it was a "Chanukah" gift. He also wished me a Happy New Year on Rosh Hashanah. I asked him how he knows so much about the Jewish holidays. He told me that when he first moved to this country he had worked for a Jewish man who was very good to him. He is such a great guy. It is people in my building like the Little Super that keep me here - it makes things feel safer and nice. If I didn't have that I may have decided to leave and break the bank to live somewhere that had better security.

It is time for me to go to bed, but I am starving! That is what happens to me when I eat salad for dinner.

Sunday, November 28, 2004

Good morning sunshine

This morning I woke up and was inspired to make myself french toast, one of my favourites growing up. My Mom makes the best, by far. I have no idea how I managed to do it, but it turned out gross. I actually couldn't even eat it. How I could screw this up, I do not know. I have made it before, so I am mystified. Maybe when My Mom made it she didn't use heavy duty high fiber bread... I think back then we ate white. I assume it must be that, because, although I am no Nigella Lawson, I do know my way around a kitchen.

I just heard on the news that there was a huge mine explosion in China. I hope everyone is rescued. What a stark contrast to the reality in my apartment and what it must be there - and so many other places.

Today I have to keep reading and perhaps start writing my paper. I would prefer to have a manicure, do a few errands, and go to the grocery store. It is difficult when some of the temptations are necessities of life (no, not the manicure). I really do need to go grocery shopping, so I may have to find a way to fit that in.

I just realized something. It is Sunday. Usually I hate Sundays. I get a horrible 'sunday' feeling in my stomach and generally feel down. I have felt like this since I can remember - back in grade school. I am pleased to say I feel pretty good today. Let's not question it too much - just enjoy.

A friend of mine is setting me up with this guy she has never met but her friend (who I have never met) and my friend talked and they think that we would get along. I wasn't sure if this was a good enough connection, but since I know I need to get out there more often, I said yes. All I knew going into this is that he is a funny lawyer. So the funny lawyer and I had our first conversation last week. I was exhausted, so perhaps I wasn't my most receptive, but he did tell long lawyerly stories. I still think he sounds nice and has potential. We tried to make plans but I said I was busy for the weekend and he said he was away on business for most of the coming week. He said to call him if I find time last minute on the weekend and I said that I didn't expect that would happen. He then called me on the weekend and I was busy (as I said I would be)_ and didn't get a chance to call him back. I called him later in the week to say that I hope his trial went well etc... but he wasn't home (I left a msg). He hasn't called me back yet. We will see....

Let's start at the very beginning

A very good place to start - ok enough with the Sound of Music, but I am excited to start this new blog, despite the fact that I just spent my Saturday night reading research for hours for a paper I am writing. My life is changing in so many ways that I am sure it is bound to be reflected in my social life eventually. It seems that as I move out of my twenties I have discovered a greater sense of freedom and independence, perhaps more than I want. You see, at the same time that I am becoming more financially sound, my closet better stocked, my apartment filled with adult things, it is becoming clearer that there is something missing. I am old enough to know that having someone in my life won't complete me in the concrete and perfect sense of the word, but I am ready to take it on - the incredible with the complicated.

I love to write, yet I haven't got it all figured out yet. I write for school and some basic technical writing for work, but in terms of the writing that I love, I still think there is a veil hanging over it for me and I am working on a way to come out from under it. There is the possibility that there is no veil and that this is it, but I have a sense that there is, and that if it is no longer in the way, I will be able to speak. I will finally be able to communicate all that I capture. I think this is a good place to start.