tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-93545862024-03-07T01:08:24.390-05:00captureto describe or represent something fleeting or intangible, in a lasting mediumRachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14455030752512087832noreply@blogger.comBlogger488125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9354586.post-28954866208020623142009-12-29T18:40:00.002-05:002009-12-29T22:10:57.068-05:00adventures in e-booksI've had reader's-block for about a year, not to mention the writer's block. There is a growing pile of books on my nightstand that only the cleaning lady has ever touched. Recently when my ginger-haired shrink friend showed me how she reads books using her itouch, I was intrigued. I've wanted a kindle for a long time. It never occurred to me until the other day when I read an article in NOW Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14455030752512087832noreply@blogger.com81tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9354586.post-72502757735745861372009-12-20T19:35:00.005-05:002010-08-14T17:39:50.967-04:001.5A lot has happened since I spoke to you last, dear blog.Normally if I post anything at all, or even think about it, I just sift through old material and see if anything resonates.But things have changed in many ways and so nothing feels quite right.I was doing well for a while there.Eating well, exercising, being social.I met someone and went away on a trip.But by the time I came home I had lost Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14455030752512087832noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9354586.post-75694492926621569222009-12-15T21:36:00.004-05:002010-08-14T17:40:28.396-04:00high end irishThe debauchery continues. On the way home tonight I stopped and bought myself a Cinnibon. Seriously? What the fuck was I thinking? I was doing so well. I went for dinner with some girlfriends to The Cottage on Queen East and had house smoked salmon and oysters with lemon. That's a great meal, and let me tell you, the selection was far from extensive-unless pork done 12 ways is your thing.Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14455030752512087832noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9354586.post-8384249572084571212009-12-14T22:41:00.003-05:002010-08-14T17:32:38.191-04:00adulterationsSaturday morning I woke up to a violent thunderstorm. I went out on my balcony and took a marble sized piece of hail that had pinged against my bike and put it in my freezer. I went to the gym and ran for 45 minutes and then I met a guy I used to work with at Aroma later that day and because my plans for the night had fallen through and the last thing I wanted to do was laundry on a Saturday, I Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14455030752512087832noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9354586.post-70816358288192363642009-12-07T21:08:00.001-05:002009-12-07T21:35:23.886-05:00like it was okI came home from the restaurant and I felt good, so I poured another glass of wine."I don't care", I said aloud. "I deserve to feel good, and I'll take something to sleep too, even if I shouldn't." There are so many things I would like to be doing now that I can't, but this is something I can do and I never really did anything I wasn't supposed to, so I feel like I deserve this. One more drink Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14455030752512087832noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9354586.post-64030633706546648952009-10-16T22:49:00.001-04:002010-08-14T17:43:39.736-04:00xo broThe 6 week garbage strike was over and for a while there I thought we had managed to escape unscathed. With the rental apartment and the garbage shute I was thrilled to say I had suffered no indignity. The long weekend arrived and the strike had finally come to an end. To be honest I was sick of hearing about it. Who the hell needs to bank their sick days for retirement? They are SICK days, not Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14455030752512087832noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9354586.post-73717069410455598852009-08-08T22:59:00.009-04:002010-08-14T17:49:13.829-04:00husbands of the suburbsI'm a good girl. I hold your babies.I let your husband's inappropriate comments slide.I'm attentiveAnd just interesting enough.The wine helps.Everything seems so much more interesting after a few glasses.The suburban three bedroom houses.The two car garages.And nothing seems impossible to me.Like how I know there is someone out there for me.I can do all of the suburban things they do.I think I Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14455030752512087832noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9354586.post-14631526749826596762009-04-19T21:31:00.000-04:002009-04-19T21:31:07.941-04:00half lifeIn the beginning, he saidIt might make you worse than you already feel.Crawling out of your skinUnable to sit still.There is always the risk.But the chances are better with this one.If I have to stop, I am assured, it is the easiest.It takes weeks to leave your system.A vulnerable feeling, but if it pays offIt would bring a kinder existence.It's all in the half life, he tells me.Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14455030752512087832noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9354586.post-55597858341749814392009-03-22T23:00:00.004-04:002009-04-19T21:13:37.949-04:00Are you there blog, it's me RachelSill miss you dear blogI think about you everyday. I'm alright.I've picked myself up,But therein lies the problem. I clean up well.Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14455030752512087832noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9354586.post-73811179659675193692009-01-05T22:27:00.005-05:002009-01-05T22:49:22.642-05:00open to the worldJust think. Tonight could have been your lucky night. Got home from the gym at 8 PM only to find my quadruple deadbolts were wide the fuck open. I remembered the notices around the building reminding us that a company was in today checking our smoke detectors. All I knew was that I was terrified to go inside. Also I was pissed at how half-hazard the process must be to forget to lock a door (whichRachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14455030752512087832noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9354586.post-50407194138107786702008-12-28T19:27:00.009-05:002008-12-28T20:44:44.260-05:00in and outOn Christmas day, Harry and I were buying movie tickets when we bumped into an old friend of his who used to work for the Huffington Post. He was telling us about his blog, when Harry said, "blogging is a NYC thing. No one in Toronto blogs"."Sure they do", I said."Yeah, Toronto is actually a pretty blogger-rich city", Harry's friend added and then turned to me. "Do you blog?" "No", I said. I Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14455030752512087832noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9354586.post-1206499483244673742008-09-22T22:16:00.004-04:002008-09-22T22:31:29.507-04:00variety showDon Rickles was the highlight of the Emmy awards. I PVR'ed it and I am watching it in installments. I don't have the patience for three hours of this. Anyway, I loved Rickle's tribute to his wife of 42 years, Barbara "who sits all day on the Malibu sands with her jewelery, signaling ships".***I am liking my job more than I thought I would. I'm working directly with patients, I am involved in Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14455030752512087832noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9354586.post-18802157812900168962008-09-13T23:06:00.006-04:002008-09-13T23:28:09.281-04:00foot downI had such a good night. Both nights. Friday and Saturday. I love me my wine lately. For years I was the girl who ordered a diet coke with dinner, but no more. I love the way a glass of wine feels, especially on an empty stomach. Or two. Or three.And it goes down so smoothly. I think what it is, is that I have always been unable to let go and enjoy myself, but I am getting better at it, for Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14455030752512087832noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9354586.post-27341721917654440172008-09-07T22:43:00.000-04:002008-09-07T22:45:00.312-04:00in the window of Marc JacobsRachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14455030752512087832noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9354586.post-46066973083826748712008-09-05T22:01:00.004-04:002008-09-05T22:24:10.043-04:00this is how we do itI've pretty much given up the dream of being chosen as a blogger "blog of note", what with the lack of posting (not to mention the lack of quality posting), however I do find some good reads there. I still hope to publish something someday besides a peer-reviewed journal article. I'm not sure if I ever told you that. Not sure if, in all of the years I've been posting, I bothered to mention that IRachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14455030752512087832noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9354586.post-73613646474341880212008-08-26T21:43:00.001-04:002008-08-26T21:48:13.204-04:00I know what I know if you know what I meanIt was a good weekend. Sunshine and shoe shopping, drinks and dinners, a night at the movies, running, and tennis. Like Tom Cruise in Tropic Thunder, this summer has been a pleasant surprise. I have barely even noticed the rain.The only complaint I have is that the music of 2008 has been underwhelming. Imagine if I was back in summer camp. What would the great songs of the summer have been? WouldRachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14455030752512087832noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9354586.post-65693800235594141262008-08-24T12:15:00.002-04:002008-08-24T12:22:34.033-04:00flashpointI just watched Flashpoint for the first time; a great new show on CBS. I heard or read something about it recently, I can't remember which, so I decided to PVR it. I am a huge fan of Law and Order type shows, particularly Law and Order SVU, so I am always willing to try out a new show of the same genre. Usually I am disappointed, but not this time. What a great show! I am so entirely impressed!Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14455030752512087832noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9354586.post-44867982865388239632008-08-16T08:59:00.000-04:002008-08-16T09:28:00.099-04:00book of negroesI am no longer going to waste my time reading something that I really don't enjoy. And more importantly, I am not going to feel bad about it. It's a lot like dating. Do you know how many second and third dates I have gone on because I should like the guy, for a variety of reasons ranging from his religion, to his good looks, to his success, to his 'great personality'? Yet here I am, still single.Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14455030752512087832noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9354586.post-40369918306409853142008-08-15T22:25:00.002-04:002008-08-15T22:29:10.442-04:00heavenI had the most delicious lunch today - a braised beef brisket and carmelized onion sandwich from Black Camel.Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14455030752512087832noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9354586.post-58769110936371661992008-08-03T10:09:00.006-04:002008-08-03T10:39:28.963-04:00the lotteryI am not going to bother to go in to where I have been and why I have taken such a long blogging hiatus. I'll save that for a rainy day or never, but something is coming up that I felt like writing about. Who knows if anyone is still reading, but if you are, feel free to give your two cents worth.Next week I am scheduled to take part in a massive study. If I consent, they will take a DNA sample Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14455030752512087832noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9354586.post-47656009772451302062008-07-08T21:49:00.004-04:002008-07-08T21:59:31.531-04:00bright and shinyI ordered the new James Frey. I never read A Million Little Pieces. Not because of the controversy. I have no issues with his version of the truth because I know there is no such thing. I just never got to it. There are so many books sitting in my apartment just waiting to be read. But I haven't been able to commit to words as much as I normally do. I've been thinking of them, using them Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14455030752512087832noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9354586.post-24986840180328962192008-06-15T20:38:00.000-04:002008-06-15T20:39:18.562-04:00dead on the wallIt's taken me 33 years to come to this; to taste the truth. I know there is nothing we can do to rub the stains out, to prevent it from going to rot. I have to force myself to look at it, trust it, and let it be. Somewhere in there, between the mess of conception and a pile of dirt, there are moments so magnificent you couldn't possibly dream them up let alone devise them; harness them at best, Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14455030752512087832noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9354586.post-30127416696054927212008-06-03T21:57:00.000-04:002008-06-03T22:31:14.305-04:00big red dogWe cut between two buildings to get to St. Clair. There was this slightly frothy puddle in the ally. "Careful, don't walk in that", he said, a gentlemen-like warning. "Looks like someone took a leak"."I don't know why, but I was thinking it was a drool puddle."He looked at me, like what?"I know. I don't get it either. I was picturing Clifford the Big Red Dog or something." I shrugged. He laughed Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14455030752512087832noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9354586.post-60628320249833157682008-05-25T22:07:00.010-04:002008-05-25T23:06:56.660-04:00good as goldIt's always Sunday night that I feel a desperation to post something, last minute before the sleeping pill kicks in. Sunday night, the brink of a new week of unknown, where my constant state of anxiety makes the probable monotony to come the welcome alternative. Tonight I called my parents at a time that I thought they should have been home watching the news or reading in bed and there was no Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14455030752512087832noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9354586.post-58858684268113967432008-05-19T22:06:00.003-04:002008-05-19T22:11:12.738-04:00fresh startThere was a certain comfort I gotFrom cleaning out the bathroom.They were coming in the morningTo redo the ceiling in the shower.I took every single item out.All that was left was a tin sound.A hollow echo;An empty stomach;An aching beacon.I never know if I have come far or just gone in circles.I'm flying in the dark againOff the coast of NewfoundlandAnd most of the timeI can marvel in the thrillRachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14455030752512087832noreply@blogger.com2