When I got home from work I was sitting on my balcony and having a cigarette when I noticed a pain somewhere in my lungs or my rib. It could have been anything really - even a muscle. It is gone now, but at that moment I had a fear that I had gone too far. I am 30 years old and I keep forgetting I am not so young and invincible anymore. I was wondering if perhaps I had already done irreparable damage. I wonder, if I went to the doctor, came clean about the "casual" smoking, and asked for a complete lung exam, and if I got a clean bill of health, would I then want to quit at that moment? Starting from scratch would be a motivator. Maybe I should try it...
My apartment was broken into a few weeks ago and I have since built up the security level in my apartment. Tonight when I got home I found out that two more apartments in the building were broken into this weekend. That was disconcerting. I guess my biggest fear is that it will happen again, but when I am home. That is terrifying. I once new a girl who lived in this city (several years older than I) who was raped and murdered in her own apartment, one city block from where I now live. That was many years ago, but the horror and reality of that situation has stuck with me. These are the times when I can understand why some American's join those crazy gun associations.
I have the sweetest tiny Philipino super and he has been so nice to me. Tonight he came up to put a chain lock on my door (as an added protection with the 2 deadbolts). He tried to tell me that I wasn't allowed to pay him for it like I did when he came up to do some other work for me, and that it was a "Chanukah" gift. He also wished me a Happy New Year on Rosh Hashanah. I asked him how he knows so much about the Jewish holidays. He told me that when he first moved to this country he had worked for a Jewish man who was very good to him. He is such a great guy. It is people in my building like the Little Super that keep me here - it makes things feel safer and nice. If I didn't have that I may have decided to leave and break the bank to live somewhere that had better security.
It is time for me to go to bed, but I am starving! That is what happens to me when I eat salad for dinner.