Friday, April 15, 2005

lights are out

Somehow frivolous fun was a crime. Enthusiasm and freedom of thought and action were punishable offences. This was part of my subtext, but that is changing. The change requires a separation. Separation is my greatest fear - separation is an end. I can do this. I have come to trust in a way that an infant does when they learn that things don't dissapear just because the lights are out.

This week I became a minimalist. Saying too much was dangerous, but I stopped myself before I sanitized the life out of me. I have learned to recognize when I become vigilant, gravitating to rigidity. I bring it into view and move on.

This week I have a lightness in the heart, butterflies in the stomach, involuntary random smiles, poor appetite, the impatience of a 15 year old, difficulty falling asleep, and more energy than I need. I can go with this. This is what life is all about!

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