Monday, January 29, 2007

freestyle is just fancy for front-crawl

Tension is building becasue it's 10:24 PM and I kind of feel tired enough to go to bed. I hate to miss my window of opportunity, but I also want to post something. At the same time I have my TV paused on Oprah, her pursed lips and finger point in full effect, which is just perfect. It only holds for an hour and then unpauses itself, which I always find unnerving, yet I feel like a victim to it. I know it'll happen soon. I suppose I could turn off the TV outright, but I hate to leave a show unfinished.

I came home from the gym a little while ago, sweating and with a throbbing shoulder from an injury that just won't go away. I don't know what it is I'm doing to aggravate it, but I just took off a whole month of upper body weights because of it. I can't even do yoga because of all the downward facing dog. My yoga instructor just says go into child's pose if it hurts but what's the point in getting my ass all the way there only to curl up in a ball on a mat for an hour and a half? I can do that at home. I pretty much gave the shoulder a whole month just to be sure, but it's back. All I can do, once again, is cardio. At the same time I'm in the process of re-negotiating my gym membership for the coming year, and the membership guy has one of those scales in his office with a body fat percentage calculator. Since I've been going to the gym for well over a year, religiously, I thought I would take the opportunity to see how far I'd come, body fat percentage-wise. The verdict? I'm EXACTLY THE SAME. And according to the calculation...FAT.

I'm not fat though. I'm a size 8 or 10 and I'm relatively tall, at 5 foot 6, so I carry my weight pretty well. As I've said before, I would like to lose some weight. In my dreams, I'd like to drop 30 pounds, which would bring me down to a perfect weight; like hollywood perfect [except my boobs would probably be gone so i'd need implants]. Over the years I've come to understand that perfect isn't always possible, so I'm willing to settle for 20, but it's hard to make more of the right choices, especially when I've done so much already [and all the right ways I may add] and things haven't changed drastically.

[Oprah just unpaused and scared me even thought I was expecting her].

Sure my clothes fit better and I'm in great physical shape. I could run a 5 k tomorrow. I could do spinning classes every day no problem. I just want to look fabulous in a bikini, is that so wrong?


chapman said...

wanting to look good in a bikini could hardly be construed as wrong, unless we were talking about me. in that case, yes, definitely wrong.

Rachel said...

True. Quite true.

I totally missed my window of opportunity by the way. I could NOT sleep. My eyes were tired, but I couldn't stay still. It was like I drank four cups of coffee and then tried to sleep. I hate that. I feel like a machine on the fritz.