Saturday, November 26, 2005

maybe he is looking for Arty after all

I can feel him in the pit of my stomach. Not many have been able to leave me like that.

There's more, and there is less. Ben and I kiss well together. I think that says a lot, but there are things that temper my excitement, which might work in my favour. Everything has been going well, despite the heartbreaking family history I accidentally lured out on our third date and the anatomic, shall we say, 'rarity' I found on our fifth. Then there was the near miss collision with my finger nail and his...

Never mind. What I am trying to say is it all felt so right, until this afternoon. We spent most of the day at his place. The music was not great (ok that's a fourth problem), but everything else was. I had to leave to get to a friend's apartment which is about 5-10 minutes past mine. Ben was driving me home. I asked if he could drop me at my friend's place.

"I know you have to get to your dinner, so feel free to say no, but would you mind dropping me at Anna's? She's at Yonge and Heath."

He looked at his watch.

"Ahhh. Ummm, I have to be there at eight.... Oh, I feel you're gonna think I'm a jerk..."

"Yep, probably. Don't worry about it - not a big deal."

"No, I'll take you, don't worry."

"No really, it's ok. Just drop me at home"

"But you're going to think I'm a jerk."

"Yeah but too late, you've already said it, so either way I would think that. You might as well just drop me at home. At least then you'll get to the party on time."

I let him take it as a joke and the subject got changed, but it sat, along with lunch, in the pit of my stomach. I waited to see what would happen next.

He dropped me at home.

He has been nothing but sweet and considerate since the beginning and I am trying not to allow this to let all the air out. Maybe I am over-reacting. Everything else today felt so nice. I guess it was a burst of cold air. Thankfully my expectations aren't overinflated this time, so I am banking on the air releasing slowly rather than in a dramatic balloon pop. There is still time to patch up the leak.

Your move Ben.


Lx said...

be wise.
it's the little things that trickle out after a bit of time.
watch and heed the signs.

terrible move on his part.
where are the real men nowadays?
what's left out there is a bunch of over sensitive, selfish whiners.

good night. and good luck.

Rachel said...

You seem to have a knack for nailing it.

Where are they? Good question. Probably at home with their wives and kids.

Lx said...

probably. times have watered down everything. it's so hard to find and meet and be with good, kind, ethical people.

i've been looking for friends like that all my life. i cannot imagine looking for a partner nowadays.

so much shite, so many games, so much over-analysing/over-thinking, so less integrity and bollocks and truth.

ChapFu said...

whenever i read one of these dating-life posts i'm stricken with paralysed fingers. it's all just so deep-down frustrating that i don't really know that words can say it. anyway, i'm in agreement with you, my friends. there are too many people and not enough soul.