It was not so bad. He was well dressed, well mannered, witty, and kind. You can see kind in the eyes. You do not necessarily see unkind, but a lack of kind is always suspect.
“So, did you like him?”
My brother’s question sounded more like a demand. For a 19 year old boy he sounds a little too much like my mother.
“I think he's a great guy…I am just not sure how I feel...”
“Rachel, if he's so great, what’s the problem?”
“Aaaah, I don't know. I just don't feel overly attracted, you know?”
“Come on! Attraction can grow over time.”
Seriously, if Evan didn't incessantly talk about "smokin' girls" and "smokin' dubes" he would be indistinguishable from a menopausal women.
I immediately knew how to put an end to the conversation. This came from years of experience guaranteeing private mother-daughter telephone calls after I moved away from home. My Dad would pick up an extension and instead of asking him to get off the phone I would pretend I didn't know he was there and say "my period cramps are terrible" or "my boobs are killing". Without a word he would hang up.
“You're right, Ev. I need to give this guy a chance. I think next time I go out with him, we should have tons of drinks and..., you know, just see where things go.”
A moment of silence, “Oh, no, no, no, sister! I don’t want to hear about it!”
And that was the end of that. Yes, I was giving him a hard time for my own amusement and to put him in his place, but it was not entirely a joke. Maybe that is exactly what I need to get over that sterile shield and into the real mess of things.
One think I know for sure: I made a decision a long time ago that if, in someone's presence, I find myself wanting to change too much, anticipating someone’s desires or preferences before my own, and doing things differently than I normally would, I should reconsider spending my time with that person. Whether it be a friend or a date, if the things I say and do begin to feel foreign to me or the air is like molasses, it is a red flag. Often I am already in it when it registers, and sometimes I have to make a hard decision. Eventually it will be made for me anyhow, because it can never last.
Maybe it is a good early sign that I felt entirely myself on the date.
On a side note, I just got a bug bite on my finger – in November.
We don’t have bugs here in November.
Maybe it is a sign.