Saturday, November 12, 2005

context


I am hungover, watching tv and computering in pajamas, with crazy hair. Pretty happenin' for a Saturday night. I should be out with the accountant, but I had to let him know it wasn’t going anywhere. It was hard to do because I feel like I should have really liked this guy. It was clear he liked me and I could tell he was a good person. In fact, one of the things about him that made me hesitate was how easily I could envision him as a good father. How pathetic is that? I know, but it’s not my fault. It’s psychobiology bitch.

Moving on. Last night I met up with a group of friends to see a band. The stellas tasted great, the music good, the crowd…meh. One guy approached me at the bar, made small talk and then invited me to leave with him and his friends to go ‘someplace else’. I politely declined. He returned a few minutes later:

“Hey, ah, listen, my buddy and I are debating something and I, ah, wonder if you can settle it for us.”

Hesitantly, “...ok.”

“How old are you?”

Confused, I looked at him, trying to figure out if I had misunderstood the question.

“How old am I?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you serious?”

He nodded.

“Alright. I’m gonna give you a little piece of advice, and I suggest you listen very carefully, because what I am about to say might aid you in your quest to pick up in the future.”

“What? Ok, I know, I know”, he laughed, hands raised in surrender, “It’s my friend. He made me come over and ask you.”

I smiled at him fake sympathetically. He continued to look at me like he expected me to say something else. He waited. I took a sip of beer and stared back.

“…well, ah, yeah. No, so, really, how old are you?”

Are people really that stupid?

The rest of the evening was uneventful, except that apparently at the end of the night I wasn’t “making sense”. I do recall petting the embroidered eagle on some boy's jacket. I think I told him I liked his 'hawk'. Dana insisted on driving me home because she didn’t think I was in any condition to take the subway. Well played, Rachel, well played. Also, I tried to convince her to drop me off at the 24 hour drug store near my house, since apparently I was ‘in the mood to go shopping’. She put her foot down, which is a surprise, and insisted I go home. I can only imagine what I would have come home with. Never mind, I probably would have fallen asleep in the blood pressure booth.

6 comments:

King said...

I've been reading your entries for a little over a week now, and just wanted to take a moment to compliment the way you employ clever humor and eloquence in your posts. It really grabs me. Keep writing.

ChapFu said...

that was hilarious. and in answer to your most rhetorical of questions - YES, people really are that stupid.

sorry to hear about the accountant. i'll try to refrain from expressing my "meh" about accountants here.

Lx said...

at least you didn't run into a full-fledged cowboy, as Ronin and I did on our quest to find the tasties black and tan on Friday night. This guy had the spurs on, too. It was fucking hilarious. Where'dya park your fucking horse, ya idjit?

People ARE that stupid.

But seriously...how old are you?

Here's a tip to all the ladies: add 18 years to your actual age when responding to the above question. This way, you bedazzle them with how good you look. I never understood why women SUBTRACTED years from their real age. I was always thinking: goddamn, for a 26 year old you look like fucking shit. Now, were they to employ the opposite strategy, things would've been much different. Imagine telling this guy you were actually in your mid 40s. He'd have been floored: holy shit! you look like you're in your mid 20s! Damn!

Psychology. Make it work for you.

Rachel said...

Deebs: I appreciate your words and I will.

Chapfu: Oh no need to refrain. "Accountant" is certainly not on my list of pros. They scare me.

Amp: Humans - they never cease to amaze me. I was wondering if you had a good time on Friday night. What the hell is a tasty black and tan?

Lx said...

black and tan: half guinness/half bass ale.

good time on Friday. we left when the typical bullshit band started playing Van Morrison/Jimmy Buffet/Martha and the Vandellas.

fucking atrocious. and? the cowboy. that was tops. who the fuck brings spurs to an establishment? idjit!

RONIN said...

That cowboy was somethin' else. Maybe his older sister used to dress him up as a cowboy when he was a kid??