I comb through a million drafts of things to post and nothing seems all that important. Nothing rings my bell. You know how sometimes things just resonate?
I'm in bed in the middle of the afternoon trying go back to sleep so that I can work all night. I'm hungry. Maybe that's why I can't fall asleep. I still want to eat my breakfast lunch and dinner and then I'll be working all night and I'll need to eat then too. I can't very well eat six meals a day. Scrubs aren't flattering on a good day, unless you star in greys anatomy and I assure you they sew those girls into their scrubs. That material has no give. There's no way they'd be able to get their scrubs on and off that tight.
This morning I woke up from a dream of the perfect kiss, with whom I will not say. I did some reading, cleaning, and organizing. Then I went for a run in the beautiful sunshine but the bra I wore wasn't the best and the whole time I kept worrying that I was going to cause permanent damage, or saggage, if you will. Then during my cool down I called Lana to see if she wanted to meet me Sunday for a mani-pedi. I figure it's not in my budget but I need to reward myself for making it through my first week, only Lana reminded me it was Mother's Day and she, in celebration of her first Mother's Day, was spending the afternoon in a spa. I hung up the phone as I was turning onto my street and it hit me. I just don't see why it isn't me. Why am I still alone?*
The thing is, I can handle it right now. I'm still young enough that I can do new and interesting things. I still feel like I have my own life and that there is still some time left for those things, but I'm just not going to be able to go one like this forever, watching my friends celebrate all of the milestones of life. I need my own and I just don't see the point without them. Look, the cool thing to do would be to not admit this. It's not attractive. I realize that, but it's the truth.
*and don't answer that question, especially if you are going to chime in with how you're above that whole coupling off thing and kids are over-rated and how life is about more than that blah blah blah because that's shit and you know it. What else is there?