Sunday, October 23, 2005

this guy is the limit

I have been internet dating off and on for a while now. I have met some really interesting people. Some have made it past the first date and others have made it for a month or two. Many are one-date wonders, either because I don't like them or they don't like me (I know - hard to believe). Unlike most of my friends, I have never had a catastrophic date, but neither have I ever been swept off my feet.

I have had a few that made for a story, like when the guy left me in a shady neighborhood at night, in a rainstorm, so he could take the first cab (since I had an umbrella). Once I was safely in a taxi, I giggled the whole way home. AND he called me for a second date. I wasn't upset - just really amused (and not turned on). Another one, that lasted a few months, started out with the worst kiss ever. We actually had to stop, agree that it wasn't working and deliberately decide to try again. Although you can overcome a bad kiss with enough effort, we were never fully in sync. Maybe I could have saved my time on that one.

Most of my friends are in relationships. They think they miss their single days, and beg me to tell them my stories. This is both good and bad. It is often the first question people ask me, which can be agonizing when I have been going through a dry spell or am feeling dissallusioned. Lately I have been a little disallusioned.

Back in introductory psychology I had a little white rat. I named him Ruby-red-eyes. He did all sorts of tricks for pellets. As per the lab instructions, when we started to slow down the pellets, he kept doing the tricks. At some point further into the schedule of reinforcement, the pellets were jsut coming too slowly and unpredictably. Ruby-red-eyes performed tricks no more (or at least wouldn't have, but I felt bad and kept the pellets flowing).

I feel a little like my 'trick' performing days are numbered (which is now starting to sound like a bad analogy given the potential for misinterpretation). Lately I have received emails from men who are my parents age or my younger sister's age. I have received emails in foreign languages and ones that sound like they were written by a toddler.There are emails from people who are much smaller than me. Apparently a 105 pound, 5'2 guy is not an anomoly. How about the guys who email repeatedly. Let me tell you something - there is nothing appealing about that! Even worse, in your 6th email, telling me you think you saw me the other day (and I know I was really where you said you saw me) is not cool or a cute coincidence. It is CREEPY.

I am second guessing myself for putting the photos up and I am starting to loose interest in the process. I pin my hesitation on a variety of excuses. Some are listed above. Others, I admit, might be a little more irrational. For example, I didn't respond to one guy because I thought I could detect a slightly enlarged thyroid in his photo. I shit you not. I never claimed to be rational and I never said I was not a little neurotic, but maybe it is just a case of rat trick extinction. Maybe if Ruby had a voice, he might have told us he had stopped because he never really felt that tricks were his bag. He may have said he was bored and had moved on.


ChapFu said...

beautifully developed post! woot.

i have a couple or five married or otherwise off-the-market friends who try to suck every last detail out of my charming, single life. to them i say: it's not just a phase. you're bored.

Rachel said...

Thanks Chapfu. Love your attitude. I am going to scrape myself off the floor and let it inspire me...soon....anytime now...I am almost ready to be inpired.

Lx said...

I, too long for the single life. As in ALONE. As in, no yapping from anyone. Ever. Just alone. And quiet. It has to be quiet. It's not just a phase. I'm NOT bored. I would like to be, though.