Thursday, September 08, 2005

what I know

Maybe when the stitches come out I will stop being afraid I might come apart at the seams.

I am anxious and angsty. I think I made up that word. I am afraid that this is not a transient problem, but more of a personality trait.

Tonight one of the friends I met for drinks told us about how, over time, her soon-to-be ex transformed into a completely different person from the one she fell in love with.

"He became increasingly sullen, depressed, resentlful, and so angry", she told us, an eager audience.

It turns out that the 'person' she fell in love with was just a phase, and that everyone in his life knew him the other way.

'He has always found things difficult', his best friend told her. 'We didn't know who this new guy was'.

We were all absorbed in the story and shocked that someone could change that way. No one could blame her for leaving. Life is too short, right? She gave it three years. Who could blame her? Really, what could anyone expect?

I could never blame anyone for leaving and THAT is the problem.

1 comment:

ChapFu said...

i said that to someone when we were breaking up one time. "i'm not really this guy. you don't really know me."

in retrospect, that's just dumb. melodramatci bullshit evoked to inflict pain. people might show different sides of themselves at different times and to different people, but all of it is real.