my dry spell

Today is the dreaded Sunday and I awoke at 7:30AM hungover and in desparate need of water. I managed to go out for the day and walk around, have brunch, coffee, make granola, dinner and start packing to go away for work, but I did all of this feeling off. Sunday is sad enough, but I am always a little down after a night of drinking. I didn't even have that much but before I knew it I was the kind of drunk that you know you can't just go to bed. I forced myself to stay up and watch tv for a bit before I went to sleep, to give myself some sobering up time.

Last night I bumped into this guy I used to work with at a restaurant when I first moved here 8 years ago. It was so nice to see him. He was so genuinely excited to see me. He remembered so much about me. It made me feel great. It was one of those moments where you realize that you have an impact on people that you meet in life, even though you didn't realize it. He was my manager back then, and so much fun to work with. He wants to set me up with a Jewish friend of his - we will see.

A group of my friends went out for dinner last night. We were talking about sex. Everyone was putting in their 2 cents about a particular sexual position. I offered my opion and my friend's boyfriend Joey blurted out, "Rachel, how would you know? When was the last time you were even in a situation where that was a possibility?" I was mortified. For a second I just sat there stunned. I could see my friend giving Joey a look to tell him to shut up. I looked at him calmly and said, "Joey, you don't really have any idea what I do". I stayed calm, and even told my friend she could stop with the looks. Inside I was dying and I was truly fighting back tears. I will admit, there hasn't been much going on for me in that department in a really long time. I haven't had a serious relationship in years. I have, however, been dating off and on over the past few years so it hasn't been a completely dry spell. A long time ago I learned that the context and the person are important to me. Its not that I can only be with someone if we are in a serious relationship, it is more that I need to like the person. I need to feel a strong attraction. I need to feel ok with the situation.

I called my friend Josh this morning. I told him what Joey said. He listened to me cry, but then he gave me some good advice. It isn't that I haven't had the option or opportunity. It is that I made a conscious decision, based on previous experiences. This decision is not something of which I should be ashamed. Josh is good. Joey, on the other hand, really pisses me off. I find him so unpredictable. Sometimes he is so nice and fun, but every once in a while he throws me off. He can't be trusted. There was a table of people there! While some were my close friends, others were people I had just met. In fact, one of them was the guy that my other friend Derek works - the one I have a crush on. What an asshole!