Killing time waiting for my spinning class to begin, I sat on the "courtesy couch" and looked at the phone. Who to call, who to call?
I dial Lana.
"Hi, this is Jared calling from Spadina Fitness", I say in the deepest man-voice I can muster. My voice is already kind of low and raspy so it isn't that much of a stretch.
"I would like to invite you to return to our club by offering you the low rate of $50 dollars a month."
Pause. "Um, no. I've moved."
Ha! She's playing along.
"You wouldn't come back for a deal that good?"
"Ok", I stifle a laugh. "How 'bout this - if you come back, we'll pay YOU $50 dollars a month."
"Oh, shit! Rachel!"
"Are you kidding me? You were falling for it? Who the fuck would PAY you to come to their gym?"
"But you sound like such a man. Holy shit! JUST like a man!"
"Ha, well that's what I was going for", I tell her, suddenly a little self-conscious about how easily, for a girl, I can pass as a guy. "I gotta go. Class is starting in a minute."
"Too funny. Wait! Matt! Matt!", I hear her yell. "Pick up the phone. You gotta hear how much Rachel sounded like a-"
"Yeah, no. Shows over. Gotta go."