Just think. Tonight could have been your lucky night. Got home from the gym at 8 PM only to find my quadruple deadbolts were wide the fuck open.
I remembered the notices around the building reminding us that a company was in today checking our smoke detectors. All I knew was that I was terrified to go inside. Also I was pissed at how half-hazard the process must be to forget to lock a door (which in my case screams to be locked with all of the deterrents I have). Being a complete pussy, I went down to the super and I made him come up and check out my apartment for intruders. I wouldn't let him leave until every closet, every large piece of furniture, behind the shower curtain and under the bed had been inspected. In all fairness he was apologetic.
Who knows how long this quaint little impromptu open house took place. Out of paranoia, I know where every thing should be. I make sure of it. At least it is safe to say no one was in there looking through my underwear drawer. Why that, you may ask? I don't know, because it happened the last time. And men..men are... why don't you ask one of them?
PS Also my stove stopped working the other day. The stove is older than I am! It will be missed.