And here I am again, back at the same point. I want to run away and join the circus. I don't know if I'm coming or going. It comes through in everything I do.
Maybe this weekend I should prepare for writing my US nursing board exams. Nah, I should ride my bike. Buy a car or go to sleep? What'll it be?
Last night I dreamt I entered someone elses' kitchen, which was supposed to be mine. There were so many dishes and cupboards. I set the bag of groceries I had brought with me on the floor. I rolled four joints at the kitchen table, two with tobacco (?) and two with the real stuff, but then I decided against them and threw them in the garbage. I took something to calm me down, but then some faceless friend came over and she wanted to smoke a joint so I pulled them back out of the garbage and we took them with us. We walked across a familiar field near where I used to work. I took a couple of puffs, but then thought better of it.
"I'm the nurse in this place.", I told the faceless friend, gesturing toward the building. "It isn't appropriate." Besides, I thought to myself, the pill was kicking in. I didn't need anything else.
We were walking up some stairs outside of a building where people were gathering when I saw this guy who seemed familiar. We exchanged looks, and just like that I walked up to him, talked to him for a few minutes, and then I straddled him, circling my arms around his neck, whispering in his ear. Our faces were flushed. He held me like that for some time. Later he came home with me. In the morning he wanted to stay.
"Normally I get up pretty early, but I can tell that you like to sleep in. I want to stay here with you", he told me.
"Actually, I want to get up and get going. Maybe have something to eat."
He told me he wanted to take me for breakfast at 'Bonjour Brioche'. As we left I noticed the bag of groceries from the night before was still sitting on the floor. It was ruined. I had forgotten to refrigerate it. I threw it in the garbage and we left.