Wednesday, April 12, 2006

unleavened bread

Right now I'm reading short stories by Raymond Carver. This man has a way with words. His talent for word efficiency is unmatched. What I would give to have that kind of talent. If you haven't read him, I highly recommend. Let me know what you think.

Passsover begins tonight. Thankfully I'm a big fan of the matzo, but for you poor souls prone to constipation, I feel for you. I think matzo with peanut butter and jam is great. Even with just plain margarine it's delicious. I'm spending the holidays with Evan, his wife, and their families. Always entertaining, let me tell you. I just got off the phone with him. He called for the second time today to tell me he was naked in his garage, getting things out of the deep freezer in preparation for the big Seder. He kills me.

On a slight aside, we can rest easier knowing that the Jews didn't kill Jesus afterall. I just can't believe that Mel Gibson got it all wrong (asshole).

Speaking of the Jews, I met this guy a couple of weeks ago. We've only been out a couple of times, but he's very cute, funny, smart, open-minded - a real mensch. He took me out for dinner the other night and we talked for hours. We literally closed the place. I didn't look at my watch all night. Not once. When he drove me home, he pulled up to my apartment and I wasn't already undoing my seatbelt or moving to open the door. That 's a good sign, no? The next day he was flying out to spend Passover with his family. He called me from his parents later that night. I wasn't home, but he left me a message. Just wanted to say hi. I thought that was nice. I was even a little excited. Also I good sign.

I got the strangest message today from this guy I vaguely remember having gone out with over a year ago. I can't even remember what happened or how we met, but I remember his name and I recognized the name of his company from call display. The message went as follows:

"Hi Rachel, it's Joey. Just calling about your brochure. I'll be in the office for the next couple of hours, if you want to give me a call back, otherwise I'll just give you a call tomorrow and we can discuss."

Last I checked, I don't have a "brochure". My first thought was, 'or do I?' I was so confused at first I wasn't sure. My next (slightly paranoid) thought was 'holy shit, someone is circulating something terrible about me'. Why that would come to mind, I have no idea. I'm no Paris Hilton, and even if I was, "brochures" are not generally the medium of choice, and certainly people have better things to do. It was much like my reaction to my break-in. When I saw that all of my drawers were emptied in my bedroom, naturally I assumed my place had been 'tossed' to 'send a message'.

This round of paranoia truthfully wasn't just a split second either. It lasted until Shoshana stopped by to visit about an hour later. I said, "you gotta listen to this message and tell me what you think."

Shoshana got it right away. "How embarassing for him! He works in graphic design, right?", she laughed.

"From what I recall, something like that."

"Poor guy! He must have made a mistake. He probably had someone named Rachel order a brochure design. He must still have you in his contact list, got mixed up trying to return her call and called you instead."

It all made sense, but very funny.


The Fed Ex of Funk said...

I was actually going to write a similar post about my parallel good tidings, but you beat me to it. And Shoshana's guess was my own. It doesn't help that half the Jewish girls on the planet share your name. (The Jews in Space prefer Miriam.) Pesach sameach!

ducklet said...

raymond carver


Lx said...

how in hell does this post have a monday, april 17th date, when to-day is only thursday, april 13?


Rachel said...


Lx said...

yesterday, for a while, the post had a monday, april 17th date on it.