husbands of the suburbs

I'm a good girl.
I hold your babies.
I let your husband's innappropriate comments slide.
I'm attentive
And just interesting enough.
The wine helps.
Everything seems so much more interesting after a few glasses.
The suburban three bedroom houses.
The two car garages.
And then I leave and wash a little white pill down
With a swig of crown royal that my brother left in the freezer.
I impress myself by not even wincing at the taste.
And then nothing seems impossible to me.
There is someone out there who will be lucky to have me.

I can do all of that too but with a little extra something.
I've had more time than I wanted.
We'll call it time to come into my own.
But I have arrived.

And while I can't compete wth your 20 year old girlfriend
There is a small chance that I am still the fish swimming
Parallel to you at the lakeshore.
We could show them all how "provincially-minded" they have become.
We could go numb together in the cold atlantic waters.
A different kind of numb.
The kind that refreshes us; wakes us up.
Not the kind I have grown into these past few years.