foot down

I had such a good night. Both nights. Friday and Saturday. I love me my wine lately. For years I was the girl who ordered a diet coke with dinner, but no more. I love the way a glass of wine feels, especially on an empty stomach. Or two. Or three.

And it goes down so smoothly. I think what it is, is that I have always been unable to let go and enjoy myself, but I am getting better at it, for better or worse. Tonight it ended too early for me and I came home to an empty apartment, wanting more. More drinks, more laughs, more hazy interactions. In lieu of what I really wanted—of all of the things I really want—I took an ativan. I will feel relaxed. I will be able to truly drift off on a cloud of restful sleep. It's better than dessert.

I haven't been this good in a long time. Maybe the pendulum is swinging. Setting myself up, waiting for someone to put their foot down. Someone always puts their foot down. Life puts its foot down. I don't know what it is, but I feel good right now and I'm going with it.