so nice

Hello?

Hi Rachel, it's Edie, Shoshanna's Aunt.

Oh, hi Edie, how are you?

I'm fine thanks. Listen, I'm calling to ask you if you'd be interested in a fix-up.

Oh?

Yeah, let me tell you a little bit about this guy.

Ok.

First of all, he's so so so so so so so so so so nice! So nice. So so so nice! I mean, he's the kind of guy that would be a real mensch. He would treat you like a queen, you know? SO nice.

Uh huh.

I met him at this conference last week so I don't really know him that well-

Last week?

Yeah, and at first I thought he was a snob, but then I realized he didn't talk much cause he's just really shy.

Oh.

Yeah, in fact he's just painfully shy. I'll be honest with you, he's no ball of fire. He doesn't really have a whole lot of personality. He's not crazy fun-but he's really nice.

Is he cute at least?

No.

[me laughing politely because I don't know Edie well enough to come through the phone and strangle her]

Ok, you know what? I'm not looking for Brad Pitt, but I AM looking for a cute guy, and it is ESSENTIAL that he come with a personality.

Yeah, but you know what I always said? Fuck it. Fuck it and go out for a drink!

***

Fuck that.