my house

I had minor surgery today. I asked Lana to come over and wash my hair for me. I felt like a kid. It is strange not to be completely self-sufficient. There is something frightening about it too. What if I ask for the help and my wall of independance starts to crumble. It took a long time to build and fortify that wall - all of my life. What if I allow myself to remember how nice it is to lean on someone a little. Irrational fear leaves me feeling like my independance is a house of cards. I need to remind myself to see the gray.