camouflage

I have not posted lately. It is not because I have had a meltdown - that would have had me posting more. I have been trying to finish up my grad school work and I have been planning my trip to Australia. My therapist is on vacation and writing, my most therapeutic activity, seems to be resting as well.

Speaking of therapy, I think that when faced with a problem or a conflict, I do the opposite of what many people do. I talk too much. I actually think this is one of my 'maladaptive' behaviors cloaked in 'adaptive'. I think it falls in line with my old ways of anticipating every move, putting everything in its place - my sterile technique. Only this one resists recognition because it plays the authentic part so well!

In my continued efforts to make the most out of life, I am going to try not to talk and think every situation inside out. If I sense a negative vibe from a friend in response to something I have said, I do not always have to address it, think about it, debate it, and consider it from every last perspective. Not only will I not bother addressing it, I am going to resist, despite the clouds of doom that threaten. In fact, they are my cue - if I see the clouds and I feel I have to do something to prevent them from rolling in, I should stop and let it pass. The world will not end. People do not always leave and if they do, it is outside of my control. I don't have to be the sad kid whose father drove off. I don't have to sit at the window, straining to see his car for as long as I can, waiting until I am sure I can no longer hear the sound of his engine.

With or without me waiting, he still leaves.